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7 SEX POSITIONS WOMEN LOVE

Everyone knows sex is the most important thing that we do as humans. Why else would God make sex feel so good?

Because we're here to populate the planet. If something else was more important God would have made that feel better. For instance, dancing feels good. But people go to dance clubs looking to find a new sex partner. People don't go to whorehouses looking to find a new dance partner.

Damn! Sometimes I'm so smart, my brain feels like it is too heavy for my back. I need to get a brain-reduction.

NOTE TO SELF: If you lose any more IQ points you will legally be allowed to mate with caribou.

Anyhow, I'm a student of sex. (And sometimes the teacher, heh heh heh.) So I've studied every conceivable...

NOTE TO SELF: Bad word choice!

position.

I've learned some things from p*rn such as:

* Women love to put a man's disproportionately large sex organ in their mouth immediately after it's been inside other parts of her anatomy

And I've learned things from soap operas such as:

* Women love to seduce a man who just woke up from a coma even though he is still engaged to her sister.

And I've learned things from experience such as:

* Women enjoy compliments like, "Your body is so hot!" better than compliments like, "You're not nearly as fat as I thought you were!"

So today I am here to share with you HogWild's Top 7 Sex Positions Women Love:

1 - Missionary Accomplished

The man is on top of the woman, his weight against her. Women love this position because of the intense eye contact. The man is in great position to thrust his jammy into her hoo-ha but he is ALSO in a great position to listen to the woman talk about her day.

By the time she's finished talking the guy will be fast asleep. It's just like he had an orgasm -- except less messy. The only fluids ejaculated will be his drool on the pillow.

2 - Spooning

In this intimate position, the man sits opposite the woman and gently spoons ice cream into her mouth. This position is especially exciting for exhibitionists who like to do it in public places like restaurants or parks.

3 - The "Who Needs a Rubber When You've Got Plastic?" Position

In this position the woman stands behind the man. She slowly slides her hands down his chest, over his abs, and then she slides her right hand into his pants pocket. She coos, "Oh, it's SO big!" He says, "Um, that's my wallet." She replies, "I know." Then she goes down, and with her teeth, removes his credit cards. Then she goes to the mall.

Women love this sexy move!

4 - The Spider

The man leans back, supporting his weight on his outstretched arms behind him. The woman leans back in the same position, situating her lady-hole onto his meat thermometer. She feels ecstasy and throws her head back, looking up at the ceiling. That's when she sees a spider. She demands the man get up and squish it.

Women love this. Women love guys who care for furry animals but mutilate yucky ones.

5 - Reverse Cowgirl

The man lays down on his back. The woman sits on his romance-pole, facing away from him.

PROS: Woman more likely feel it on her G-Spot.
CONS: Man less likely to be able to see the television.

Women love this position because they control the pace, you can slap her booty, and most importantly since she's not facing you, she can be on the phone.

6 - Doggy-style

In this popular position for women, the woman shouts commands and her man obeys. He fetches things, he sits, and he rolls over. This gives the woman extreme satisfaction knowing she has properly trained her man. Now she feels confident that she can walk with him down the street without him pulling away and checking out every bitch he sees.

7 - Sixty-Nine-West

This is sure to please both partners. This is where the man gets a bl0w-job and the woman gets new shoes!

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