The Hog Blog

Kirby Puckett was a short round man. An athlete?

Yes, in baseball. That’s why I originally fell in love with baseball. Anyone of any size and shape could be great.

The best player ever, Babe Ruth, looked like a weeble with 2 skinny sticks for legs.

In 1986, every New Yorker (even some Yankees fans on the down-low) fell in love with Lenny Dykstra. A scrappy skinny player.

Mariano Rivera, the greatest relief pitcher ever, is a skinny dude.

But then steroids upped the ante.

Now, there has always been cheating in baseball. Scuffing the ball. Spitting on the ball. Now shrinking the balls. (Steroids shrinks your grapes.)

The game needs to be fair. They have to keep EVERYONE off steroids or keep everyone ON steroids. Or Human Growth Hormone. Or Flinstones Vitamins.

But not all players are willing to risk the side effects of balding, “bacne” and ball size reduction.

So everyone for who gets caught — reset the record.

Yes, you can do it. You do it on your video game all the time.

Single season Home run record: 61, Roger Maris

Career Home Run Record: 755, Hank Aaron

Barry Who?

In the Olympics, they take back your Gold Medal and give it to the 2nd place dude. Same goes here.

These players are sophisticated. They take all sorts of things that aren’t tested for yet. According to a new report, Barry Bonds has taken drugs for diabetes, drugs for cattle and drugs for women.
So I say TEST FOR EVERY DRUG KNOWN TO SCIENCE!
And a few not known to science.

Amazing. We still don’t have a drug to cure AIDS but we have drugs that cure the August batting slump — AND can go undetected.

Um, and why all the focus on the batters? Can anyone say… Roger Clemens? I have no idea if dude has used anything. But you have to suspect. He’s over 40 and had one of the best seasons of his career.

Look, they should make a separate league for the guys on steroids. Because ADMIT IT! It IS entertaining. Bonds hitting monster home runs, McGwire and Sosa smashing the ball… strikeouts from bulked up pitchers.

Let these law-breakers play in their own league… the Prison League.

HA HA HA!!

I miss my old baseball heroes from the 1980’s. The only drugs they took were good old-fashioned cocaine and alcohol.

And ham sandwiches.