Why I Will Never Touch a Cigarette
I don’t smoke. But my dad does.
Smokers start smoking because they are free birds. Let’s get reckless!
(Or because they are teenage girls who are rebelling against white teeth and fresh breath.)
As a kid, my dad would smoke while driving us in the car.
My dad gets cold easily, so he would be smoking in the car (AKA The Ashtray on Wheels) with the windows closed.
The car would fill up with smoke. As a kid sitting in the back, I would imagine I was in a Rock music video. I would wail on my air guitar as the smoke rose above the stage.
Oh, and my dad actually kept a rag on top of the dashboard to wipe off the film of yellowish tobacco that developed on the inside of the windshield.
Yeah, gross. The inside of the windshield was the same color as his underwear.
The memory of Dad coughing up a lung and digging for left-over cigarette butts in the car ashtray with the enthusiasm of an 1849er in a gold rush was the greatest anti-smoking commercial ever.
Thank you dad. I know you did that all for me. Because of your visual lesson, I will never, EVER smoke.
Smoking is definitely an addiction — a real addiction. That’s why I hate when girls are like, “I’m addicted to chocolate.”
No you’re not.
When nicotine addicts see cigarette butts on the street, they smoke them!
Would you pick up a half-eaten piece of chocolate off the sidewalk and put it in your mouth without hesitating?
Didn’t think so.
June 14th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Scary: they actually make little chocolate-flavored cigars. In Switzerland, of course. That’s tobacco plus chocolate flavoring wrapped in more tobacco. You smoke it. Is that sick or what? Oh, speaking of sick, before they banned smoking in bars, it was a slam-dunk pick-up prop. Mmmm…
I lost my affinity for tobacco at the exact moment my dentist cut off a little chunk of my gum and sent it to the lab. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!