The Hog Blog

The winners of these 2 games advance to the National MILF Championships!

Vote carefully! Give a good reason explaining your MILF of choice!

Game 1: Pamela Anderson vs. Melania Trump

Game 2:  Christine Taylor vs. Heidi Klum

For pictures, see the original article.

Kirby Puckett was a short round man. An athlete?

Yes, in baseball. That’s why I originally fell in love with baseball. Anyone of any size and shape could be great.

The best player ever, Babe Ruth, looked like a weeble with 2 skinny sticks for legs.

In 1986, every New Yorker (even some Yankees fans on the down-low) fell in love with Lenny Dykstra. A scrappy skinny player.

Mariano Rivera, the greatest relief pitcher ever, is a skinny dude.

But then steroids upped the ante.

Now, there has always been cheating in baseball. Scuffing the ball. Spitting on the ball. Now shrinking the balls. (Steroids shrinks your grapes.)

The game needs to be fair. They have to keep EVERYONE off steroids or keep everyone ON steroids. Or Human Growth Hormone. Or Flinstones Vitamins.

But not all players are willing to risk the side effects of balding, “bacne” and ball size reduction.

So everyone for who gets caught — reset the record.

Yes, you can do it. You do it on your video game all the time.

Single season Home run record: 61, Roger Maris

Career Home Run Record: 755, Hank Aaron

Barry Who?

In the Olympics, they take back your Gold Medal and give it to the 2nd place dude. Same goes here.

These players are sophisticated. They take all sorts of things that aren’t tested for yet. According to a new report, Barry Bonds has taken drugs for diabetes, drugs for cattle and drugs for women.
So I say TEST FOR EVERY DRUG KNOWN TO SCIENCE!
And a few not known to science.

Amazing. We still don’t have a drug to cure AIDS but we have drugs that cure the August batting slump — AND can go undetected.

Um, and why all the focus on the batters? Can anyone say… Roger Clemens? I have no idea if dude has used anything. But you have to suspect. He’s over 40 and had one of the best seasons of his career.

Look, they should make a separate league for the guys on steroids. Because ADMIT IT! It IS entertaining. Bonds hitting monster home runs, McGwire and Sosa smashing the ball… strikeouts from bulked up pitchers.

Let these law-breakers play in their own league… the Prison League.

HA HA HA!!

I miss my old baseball heroes from the 1980’s. The only drugs they took were good old-fashioned cocaine and alcohol.

And ham sandwiches.

Perambulate

My 1st guess: the loud noise emergency vehicles make so you get the hell out of there way.

Actual definition:To stroll

Example: The prostitute perambulated in the park as her pimp peeped the po-po.

A while back I wrote an article on why Seth MacFarlane is a prick.

I’m still getting emails defending him from his fans who have NEVER MET HIM!
Got this today:

name: Joanna C

message: Why do you have to be so mean, GOD if you put that page about Seth Macfarlane on his fan club (which i’m apart of) you would get a major ass kicking. He has major talent and he has a great sense of humour. All cartoons are practically the same, with charactors that look alike or something like that. If you want to diss someone do it in a better way, God you are one skank B*****D. Have a nice day!

MY RESPONSE:

Hi Joanna,

Maybe you didn’t actually READ what I wrote.

I LIKE FAMILY GUY.

I don’t like Seth.

Have you met him?

Seth was a dick to little kids.

Seth’s show = funny.

Seth = prick.

And yes, Family Guy steals a lot of stuff from The Simpsons. Everybody knows that. Doesn’t mean Family guy isn’t funny… just not the most original.

To settle this debate, you should email Seth. Or write him a letter. Or go to one of his book signings! Say hi.

You are one of his biggest fans. See if he even says HELLO back to you.

I took the 2 seconds it takes to write you an email back. Will he?

- Hog

The original article: Seth MacFarlane is a prick.