Here is the #1 Factor that Decides your Happiness in a Relationship (or in life!) ......

Rules.

What RULES do you have to ALLOW yourself to feel happy?

Because sometimes we make too many restrictive rules.

A lot of people say to themselves, I will not allow myself to feel happy unless I do A, B, and C. If I don't do those things, I will be disappointed in myself. I will punish myself!

Why do we punish ourselves?

Because we must accomplish goals! And if we feel happy or content, there's no way we will succeed! We must be miserable so we will succeed! If we fail, we will be miserable! But if we succeed, we will be happy for one day after all those months of being miserable!

Think about what rules you have for your relationship.

The more you try to make rules to control your partner's behavior, the more likely you will become aggravated.

YOU: My only relationship rule is that my partner should do everything in the way I would do it! Is that so hard?!

YOUR PARTNER: Why can't YOU do everything the way *I* would do it?!

YOU: Because then nothing would get done! We would be living on a discarded couch by the road selling kiwi!

YOUR PARTNER: Oh, so without YOU, I'd be homeless and incapable of holding down a job that doesn’t involve the sale of fuzzy oval fruits?! Oh, I wonder how I ever lived before meeting you!

YOU: I don't know! You can barely tie your own shoes!

YOUR PARTNER: Thank you! Now YOU'RE angry and you’ve made ME feel like crap!

YOU: Good! Maybe if I make you feel like crap, you'll know how *I* feel! Maybe you will change!

YOUR PARTNER: Maybe I don't want to change!

YOU: Maybe it's because you're immature and you shouldn’t be in a relationship!

YOUR PARTNER: Maybe it's because I'm in the WRONG relationship and it's because I don't want to change for YOU.

YOU: ....

YOUR PARTNER: When you treat me like less than you, I don't want to do ANYTHING.

YOU: But I feel like YOU treat ME like less.

Then you both weep and hug to the love theme music from Slumdog Millionaire.

What have you decided will make you unhappy?

A common rule is: If my partner cheats, I will be very upset.

That's a pretty useful rule because it helps you stick to your plan of being respected.

But what about your rule that dictates, "If my partner leaves their laundry on the floor then I will be so mad that I will pop a vein in my forehead and I will attack them with a verbal acid bath of invectives and queries into the status of their current mental health."

Is that really useful?

What if you decide to ACCEPT this annoying behavior from this person you love?

YOU: But I can't! It's rude! It's wrong! I will not live this waaaay!!!

Yes, there are times you must not bend. But if you make EVERYTHING like that, you will spend more time being mad, than enjoying your relationship.

Here's an oldie but goodie for relationship advice: Choose Your Battles.

Let me tell you, most times, it's not worth it. And then when you DO make a big fight over every little thing, guess what? That REALLY important thing that you want changed... sounds just like everything else.

YOU: Take out the trash, NOW! It must go out immediately when I say!

YOU: Do not sleep on the left side of the bed! That's MY side! MY SIIIIIDE!

YOU: I've been hit by a car. I need your help!

YOUR PARTNER: (not listening on the phone) Yes yes, I'll take out trash.

YOU: I'm dying on the side of the road!

YOUR PARTNER: Yes, yes, your side of the bed. I gotta go.

But when it's UNUSUAL for you to be upset, your partner will feel the impact.

Having NO rules is dangerous because you should NOT accept really bad misbehavior. The key is to have the RIGHT rules and only enforce them at the RIGHT times.

So if you want to be more happy in your relationship or your life... re-think your rules. Dump the rules that are hurting you. Make NEW rules that say when you can celebrate!

Try this one out...

This is taken from my Premium Members section where I post my new videos.

Here are some more tips, but only Premium Members get the entire video + access to over 300 full dating and relationship videos in the Video Vault!

- Rule #1: remove any rule that is doing more harm than good.

- Make less rules. Be more flexible. Be more loving, accepting, understanding, patient. See, the real thing is this: You have the ask yourself a critical question. And that is...

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