Dating Advice Man: How do I stop thinking about this guy? Dating Advice + Twisted Humor

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Hi Hog,

I'm attracted to this guy who said he liked me and now I like him. The problem is that when I tried to get things going he kinda backed off and just kept sending me mixed messages. Now he has a girlfriend but for the life of me I still can't stop thinking about him. What should I do?

- Brittany in New York

Hog's Relationship Advice:

Stop thinking about him.

Whatever you do, DON'T think about a pink elephant on roller skates.

Damn it! What did you just do? You just imagined a pink elephant on roller skates!! See how our little human minds work? :)

You weren't specifically attracted to this guy UNTIL he said he liked you. This is common. He wasn't really on your radar. Then he said something and it got you to thinking. And thinking. And thinking. AAAAAH!!!!

Now you have to slam a nail into your forehead to stop you from thinking about this dude!

Will it take a rusty nail to the brain?

I hope not. Because you sound like a nice girl. A nice, pretty girls don't go walking around with hardware hanging out of their frontal lobes.

You don't want this guy. It's the IDEA that you FEEL rejected so it's only natural that you want to "win" him back.

But is he a prize really worth winning?

I mean, really. The guy is probably smelly.

I know I am.

The interesting thing here is: Why did this dude change his mind about like you?

Most guys are not slick enough to know how to send mixed signals. That's totally advanced pimpology. Most guys only know how to send ONE signal: horny.

So I'm guessing that he kinda liked you for a minute, then something changed his mind. It would be helpful to know what that is, because maybe it is useful for you in the future with other guys.

Or he could just be a nutty dude who can never make up his mind.

So I wouldn't take this all personally. Just something to learn from.

An example from my personal life:

In 8th grade I really liked this girl because of many reasons. She was pretty and pretty and she was also really pretty. (These are the same 3 reasons that I like girls today.)

But then after talking to her I discovered that she had super stinky breath. I was too stupid to know how to tell her to take a mint or see a dentist.

So I told her I was no longer interested in her. I'm sure this really confused the crap out of her.

So what I'm saying is that your breath might reek like doody and egg rolls.

Or it could be nothing and he is a flake.

But the point is, move on. You haven't described him as someone super-special. And don't make him out to be super-special if he's not.

Learn how to attract guys and there will be a lot more where he came from.

How do you attract guys?

Choose any (or all) from your list of feminine weapons:
1 - look pretty
2 - have big boobs
3 - be in a place with lots of guys and very few women. ex. a sports bar, an engineering college, a men's restroom, etc.
4 - be approachable. Look like a nice person who wants to meet new people. Ex. you are out with 1 girlfriend, not surrounded by 7 fat chicks and 10 hairy dudes and a dragon
5 - be non-annoying

This last weapon is your secret weapon that will make you unique among women.

Things guys find most annoying in women:

1 - a girl who talks way too much about boring stuff like gossip, her job, and her pets
2 - being late (especially for your period!)
3 - wanting to spend every second of the day together

To be fair, guys are generally very grouchy, unfaithful animals that tends to make loud and abrupt sounds from various holes in their body.

To get back to your question: take a new perspective.

This guy is flakey and not worthy of you. The end. NEXT!

YOU: But he's got really nice eyes and ...

NEXT!

But he has a cute smile and...

DID YOU HEAR ME, WOMAN?! Nuuuuuuuuh-EXT!!!!

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