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Normally this space is reserved only for relationship advice and dating advice. But this reeeeee-dick-alus situation calls for some serious advice from the Hogsta.

Q 69. Hi Hog,

Someone brought in a box of doughnuts at work... now if you were to have one wouldn't you take one or would you cut a piece of of numerous doughnuts to taste them all? I find that kind of ridiculous. Now when I take a doughnut, I'll take the whole thing. However, other people here think that it is ok to take a piece of one or two or three. Just take the whole friggin' doughnut!!!!!!!!!!

Instead they want to taste them because they have different flavors and instead of having one doughnut, they'll have 5 pieces of different doughnuts. What do you think about this?????

- E in New York

HOGWILD.NET expert dating advice every day

Hog's Career Advice:

Wow, that’s retarded. This is tense! Lucky for you, I am the modern day King Solomon.

On the 1 hand, there are the people who like to eat an entire doughnut. We’ll call them: Normal People.
One the other foot, there are people who want to enjoy the taste of 12 different doughnuts. We’ll call them: Idiots.

How can we satisfy the Normal People who don’t want to eat a massacred doughnut AND the Idiots who want to taste 12 flavors?

MY SOLUTION…..

(After this commercial break)

*****************

Do you have dandruff… on your balls?
Try Head & Boulders Shampoo. You’ll know it’s working because it tingles! Your balls.

*******************

Okay, the SOLUTION is to NOT buy doughnuts anymore, instead… Bring in a
box of doughnut holes.

The Normal People don’t have to eat anything that was mutilated and the Idiots get to eat 12 different flavors.

Alternative Solution: If you DEMAND doughnuts and you don’t like my 1st brilliant solution, you can also do the following:

Dress in all-black.
Wear a ski mask.
Unplug your computer mouse.
Just as one of the Idiots approaches the doughnut box, tip-toe behind her.
Using the cord from the computer mouse, quickly tie it tightly around her neck.
Choke her until death.
Remove mask.
Scream: “Someone call 911! Lisa choked on a piece of doughnut!!!!”
Walk away.
Giggle.

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