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Hey Hog,

I have a question that's been bugging me. I'm hearing about this "friends with benefits thing" a lot. From what it seems like, I'm probably one of the few in the world who don't partake in it.

So my question is, am I abnormal since I don't believe in that kind of stuff?

I don't know if it's me or just the way I was raised, but I grew up in a conservative household where sex always comes after marriage, and females were even considered a whore if they lived like that.

As a college student and curious about life, I don't know what to believe, but my moral instincts say it's wrong. But popular belief and culture promote and even condone it. I don't know what to do!!

Are girls who have had multiple partners in their lives -- how do I say it nicely -- sluts? Or have they just been around the block a few too many times?

- B in N.J.

Hog's Relationship Advice:

At your age it's a great time to explore and question.

Actually, it's a great to do that at ANY age!

But especially during your late teens and early 20's.

THINGS THAT ARE EASIER TO DO WHEN YOU'RE 20 THAN WHEN YOU'RE 47
- question accepted establishments and institutions
- poop
- get laid by a 20 year old

So you were raised a certain way... Now you're seeing the world as it is. All of us are basically brainwashed by our families. Brainwashing can be good or bad. From Day 1 we are brainwashed to love our country and love our religion and follow a certain set of rules.

Whether that kind of brainwashing is good or bad is up to YOU to decide. But the key is: DECIDE.

GOOD BRAINWASHING: your parents convincing you that you are a good person worthy of love.

BAD BRAINWASHING: a secret government agency kidnapping you, forcing you to live in a small room with no windows, no internet and no INTERNET!

Then they torture you by making you listen to crappy European techno music until you denounce pancakes as evil and say that Waffles are the superior form of breakfast. WAFFLES ARE THE SUPERIOR FORM OF BREAKFAST! Nooooo!!!

Your family wants you to believe the world is how THEY see it. And this can be great because they instill a set of moral standards and a sense of right and wrong in you.

But when is it time to be a man and make these decisions for yourself?

When is it YOUR turn to find your way in the world? Or will you simply do what they told you to do?

REBEL!

Question everything!

* Your socks should match? Ah, maybe they should match your shirt but not each OTHER. Why should your socks match? I thought opposites attract? Hmm... who's right now?

* An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Hmm... maybe that's a conspiracy by the international apple industry to sell more apples. Are apples REALLY that powerful?

* If you see a vampire, you're supposed to hold up a cross to scare him away. So when I see a doctor should I hold up an apple and shout, "Back off, doc! This apple is red! And delicious!"

* Why SHOULD you put your pants on one leg at a time? Jump into them both legs at a time! Or maybe you shouldn't wear pants at all!

NOTE: Just kidding. Please wear pants.

Look, you can go on doing just as you were taught. Most people do. But I'm going to challenge you to really think about everything you THINK you know and ask WHY. Why is it this way? Does it have to be this way?

Not just about sex and relationships. Everything.

Now, if you truly question and wrestle and experiment and you come back to where you began -- then that was a very valuable journey. You've grown up. You've DECIDED your moral values instead of having them tattooed on your forehead by other people.

If no one ever questioned, there would be no progress. If we just blindly followed and did things the way they've always been done there would be still be evil slavery and we'd believe the earth was flat and there'd be no chocolate chip cookies because people would have said, "HEY! My parents ate plain cookies with no chips inside so why shouldn't I?"

Don't you get it? Cookies would be devoid of chocolatey chips! Devoid of chocolatey chips!

Now to get specific to your question. Are you abnormal?

A little bit. You ARE a fan of HogWild. And none of us here are 100% normal!

As far as being sexually conservative, THAT's totally normal. People have different views on these things. I used to believe that it's best to save sex for marriage. But I never thought it was right to judge others for their beliefs like it sounds you are doing.

So if a girl has had lots of sex partners is she a slut? No. She's awesome! Especially if I was one of those sex partners! HA HA HA!

No, she's just not compatible with you because one of YOUR chief values is saving sex for marriage. While HER chief value is saving sex for that special guy who buys her a shot of tequila.

As far as judging other people, a wise man once said, "Who am I to judge another person when even God does not pass judgement on us until the end of our days?"

And a not-so-wise man once said, "Me drunk. Good time to marry this Las Vegas hooker. She has nice ears."

Plenty of people don't have "friends with benefits." Mostly because they can't pull it off! It's very difficult to maintain that type of relationship because usually one of the partners catches feelings. Or herpes. Or both.

Ask yourself WHY are you saving it for marriage. WHY is this important to you?

Do you have a good reason? Or is it just because that's how you were brainwashed?

I know people saving it for marriage and I respect them for it because they have good reasons.

I know people who AREN'T saving it for Tuesday and I respect them because they have good reasons.

BENEFITS OF SAVING SEX FOR MARRIAGE
- you share something intimate with just one person for your entire life and that makes it special
- neither of you know how bad the other one is at it
- less chance of crotch-rot

BENEFITS ON BOINKING BEFORE MARRIAGE
- find out if you're sexually compatible with this other person
- learn how to get good at boinking through practice on other people
- learn that sex without emotion is not as great as you thought so maybe just maybe you are inspired to have a real relationship with someone your care about.... Nah.

If your instincts say it's wrong, then this kind of sex is not for you. Sex can be anything you make it. Sex can be simple and fun and unattached. Or it can be a dangerous and sad way to temporarily cure your loneliness. Or it can be a very intimate form of expressing your love for your partner. Or it can be your part-time job.

Are you abnormal? Who cares?!

Part of growing up into a man is not caring what other people think about you. Your character is who you are. What other people say about you is your reputation. Have strength of character and it doesn't matter what they say about you.

The people who know you best will know the man you really are. And more importantly, YOU will know the man you really are.

You'll be a man who has intelligently considered all his options, gone through the daunting trial of searching his soul and who stood up tall unafraid of criticism and ultimately went with his heart.

You will have done the thing that all grown men and women must do... you will have made a decision. You will have made your bed, so now get laid in it.

Ya know, when you're ready. :)

Until then I'm off to find a girl with nice ears who wants to bake me chocolate chip cookies!!! Don't judge me! :)

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