Boyfriend, Too Needy!

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Hey Hog,

I think you are hysterical and accurate! Ok so here is my deal.

I'm 31 and my boyfriend is 34. He's a great guy, really attentive, but borderline too-needy.

I don't know if the problem is that I'm too independent or if he's too needy. Every now and then I will bring to his attention that I feel he is smothering me and that he needs my approval for every little thing.

For example: I'll be reading and I'll look up and he's staring at me. All freaked out, I'll say "what" and he'll say "You're so beautiful."

Or If I'm quiet and just relaxing on the couch and not talking to him, he will ask me if everything is OK. Then 5 minutes later he will ask me again, "Are you sure you are OK?" I want to scream!

So we will talk about it and he will see my point, it will be fine for a couple of days, then he will start up again. Just the other day he told me he feels like he has to fight for my attention sometimes. Meanwhile I am happiest when he's laid back and not on top of me all the time.

Please tell me how to communicate to him that this behavior drives me up the wall! How do I get through to him?

P.S. He cries easliy too!

Thanks a bunch!

- S in NYC

Hog's Relationship Advice:

He wants your approval. Constantly. He is your little puppy dog.

Except it's not cute when the puppy is 34 years old, and so big that when he jumps on your lap, he crushes your legs.

Here is how you communicate your feelings to him:

1 - Roll up a newspaper
2 - Slap him over the head with it while shouting, "No! Bad dog!"

Or...

Show him how you feel HogWild-Style by giving it back to him 10,000 times:

Ask HIM how HE is doing...

While he's watching sports...

YOU: Are you OK? Is your team winning? No? How do you FEEL about that? Does it upset you that they can't hit with runners in scoring position? Let's talk about it... RIGHT NOW!

While he's taking a poop...

YOU: Are you OK in there? Is the toilet paper fluffy enough for you? Are you starting to feel relieved? Do you want me to talk you through it?

While he's sleeping...

YOU: Wake up!
HIM: Oh my God! What?! Is the house on fire?!
YOU: No. Just wanted to make sure you were having good dreams. Are you? Because I would never want you to have a bad dream. I'll sing you a lullaby until you fall back asleep. Is your pillow comfortable enough or do you want to sleep on my butt?

Then...

While he's eating macaroni and cheese...

You jump into air, spread your arms wide, fly through the air and land on his face. Let your entire body weight flop on him.

HIM: Can't. Breathe. You're smothering me to death!
YOU: No, I'm LOVING you!!!

Or...

Have a direct and honest talk with him:

"Dude, I like you and all that. But you're being a sissy-boy. I want a MAN. So feel those groin-danglers between your legs and USE THEM!

"I promise to let you know if I'm not happy. So you don't need to ask me any more.

"And stop worshipping me! I'm a human being! I can't live up to the pressure of being the perfect doll that you think I am! I'm a girl who needs a strong man to hold me, not a weak goober to drool over me!"

Now, this is a great lesson for guys who are overly sensitive or who worship their woman.

Most women do NOT want to be put up on a pedestal. When you do this, they lose respect for you.

PLACES WOMEN DO NOT WANT YOU TO PUT THEM
- on a pedestal
- on a scale... in front of an amusement park mirror
- on Planet Bad Sex with Captain Limp Willy and his band of quick shooting dirt bags

You can compliment your girl and you can even adore your girl, but you can not make your life revolve around her. A man must have a mission. A man must have an adventure to offer.

Your girl can't be the adventure. Because this will bore her. If she's the adventure, then what do you have to offer HER?

Oddly enough, most girls are happiest when you are not trying too hard to please them. Just as you guys get pleasure from pleasing her, allow HER the pleasure of pleasing you.

Guys, you need to get a life. An exciting life. A life's purpose. Your woman is there to help you with this purpose. SHE is not the purpose. She can be your inspiration and she can make your life happier. But she should not be the sole source of your happiness.

If you're a guy who constantly seeks approval from your girl, it will require a lot of discipline to change this bad habit. But if you want her to happy, you MUST do it.

Here is the difference:

* Surprising your girl with a rose shows you are thinking about her and that you want to make her happy.

* Showering your girl with 2 dozen roses every day shows you are desperate for her approval and that you fear she will leave you. You are doing it NOT to make her happy, but to keep yourself happy.

You need to tell him that he needs to modify his behavior or you will have to leave him. It's his fear of losing you that will ultimately push you away. He's making his worst nightmare come true.

Or have him read this with you.

He'll say, "Who is this dork who's telling me what to do?!"

Then you say, "The dork is right."

Then I'll say, "Dude, I AM a dork. But I used to be even dorkier. I used to make the same mistakes you're making right now. It's important to get yourself together if you really want to make your girl happy. Being truly happy comes from within even when you are without."

NOTE: That sh!t sounded wise!

So what you should do with your needy guy is to be blunt and direct with your puppy. Train him. Tell him that you want a Guard Dog, not a whimpering little puppy.

At first it will be difficult, when you leave him alone in the house he'll cry at the window. But when you come back, if he hasn't made a mess on the floor, reward him by taking him out for a walk together.

And if he's really good, you'll let him play in your backyard and bury his bone.

And remember to encourage him! OK, so he only lasted 30 seconds. But that's 210 seconds for a dog!

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