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Hey Hog!

Your advice is very helpful and very funny.

I'm a freshman in high school and when I first walked into class this guy was staring at me. At first I thought it was just because I was new so I just shrugged it off. But for the rest of the time that I was there I caught him still staring at me.

One day I was trying to find my art project and he came up beside me and asked if I needed help. Well since I'm shy, all I did was nod. After that day he would stare. I don't know if I liked him, but I did think that he was cute, nice, and he had a great voice. I don't know why I am telling you this because now it is too late to do anything about it because he is a senior. Man, I really screwed myself didn't I?

So what do guys think when they are staring at a girl?

- J in Kansas

Hog's Relationship Advice:

When guys are staring at a girl they are thinking, "I'd sure to like to provide HER with emotional and financial support until she's old and gray! Yowza!!!"

No. When a guy is staring at a girl, it means he likes her. But of course it kinda depends on the situation...

If he's wearing a uniform with a logo on it and he smells like greasy meat and he's standing behind a register... he's probably staring at you because he wants you to hurry up and decide which Value Meal you want to order.

But otherwise, it's because he likes you but doesn't know what to say to you. Or he's too scared to approach you.

This is where you have a choice to make.

As the girl, it is now your job to tell him -- without words -- to either talk to you or to stop looking at you because he's creeping you out! This is what we call "flirting."

You can do most this with your face.

If you want him to talk to you, the boldest thing you can do is... smile! Look back at him, smile, then break eye contact by looking down.

Now, most guys are so dumb at body language that they won't even get it. So prepare to do this between two and twenty thousand times.

NOTE: If by the 20,000th time he still doesn't get it, he's probably too dumb to know how to kiss you anyway. When you close your eyes and pucker your lips, he will probably tilt his head and wrinkle his eyebrows in confusion, then smash a banana into your face.

OTHER FLIRTY HINTS TO TELL HIM TO APPROACH YOU
1 - look down, wait a second, then look back
2 - play with your hair and bite your lip

NOTE: Do not bite your lip so hard that it bleeds. Unless he's a Vampire. Then that's exactly what you should do.

3 - play with your boobs and growl at him like a tiger

SILENT WAYS TO TELL HIM TO STOP STARING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU THINK HE'S A CREEP JERK-FACE JERK-CREEP JERK
1 - break his eye contact by looking up and away
2 - break his eye contact by rolling your eyes
3 - break his eye contact by slowly lifting your hand in front of your face and extending your middle finger

I'm really happy you asked me this question because lots of guys do this. I used to stare at girls, too. This does not work. Guys, you need to approach. Just staring at a girl will not get it done.

Let's say you wanted that new video game system in the store. You could stare at it all day. This strategy is called "Being a pathetic loser." The RIGHT way to get the video game system is to march right into that store and wave your money at the clerk and say, "Give it to me!"

And this is the 100% exact same way to get a girl. Wave money around in her face and shout, "Give it to me!"

And she will give it to you.

NOTE: "It" will not be sex. "It" will be a face full of mace or a karate chop to the Adam's apple. But either way, at least you got close to a woman! Yeah! Who's the man?!

HINT: Not you.

So dudes, do NOT shoot laser beams at the girl you like. Burning a hole in her forehead with your lust-rays will not impress her. Girls are won over by CONFIDENCE. You show confidence by walking tall, approaching with purpose and by not caring what she thinks about you. If you are ready to give her everything she wants just by the way she looks then you are a sucker. And she won't respect you.

A girl MUST be worthy of your gifts.

NOTE: By gifts I mean your genitals.

NOTE: And by genitals I mean that stuff dangling between your legs.

NOTE TO SELF: Holy crap, I'm stupid! HA HA HA!

One other thing that's interesting to guys... I never knew that women are attracted to a man's voice! Who knew that stuff matters?!

But it helps! Girls like a man with a nice, deep voice.

DEEP VOICES THAT GET GIRLS MOIST IN THE LADY-HOLE REGION
* Barry White
* Rick Astley
* Morgan Freeman

So guys, relax, breathe deeply and practice talking less like a hyper-active squirrel who just sucked a helium balloon and more like a man who is in command.

Like Darth Vader.

Because chicks love bad boys with breathing problems! That's why when I go the bar, I always carry a motorcycle helmet and an asthma inhaler! Gets 'em every time. :)

"Yeah, I'd sure to like to provide HER with emotional and financial support until she's old and gray! <GASP!> Yowza!!!"

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