I get lots of compliments from good looking,
intelligent guys about my appearance, but for some reason I'm still not
confident with the way I look. I just don't see how I'm really all that
attractive. So I end up with guys who pick out all of my flaws and not only are
they ugly but they usually have some sort of criminal background. WHAT THE HELL
IS WRONG WITH ME!?! I've never been able to accept compliments from anyone. Is
there a way to fix this?
-M
Hog's Relationship Advice:
This is like, one of the best questions I have ever
received. Thank you.
I am in no way a psychologist, but I'm going to tell you what to do
anyway because I'm awesome.
First, I think I speak for all of the guys who visit my
site when I say, STOP DATING THESE LOSERS!
Why would you waste your time with mean and ugly
losers when you can be with the nice and handsome dorks, I mean, studs
who visit HOGWILD.NET!
Something in your childhood programmed you to think you
are not good enough. Maybe it was somebody constantly tell you negative things.
Or maybe you put a lot of pressure on yourself because of other people around
you. Or maybe you are Ashlee Simpson.
In any case, you need to reverse the curse!
That's easier said than done because you have years and years of bad habits to
bust out of.
It's like, you've been eating junk food every day for 17 years, and then
one day you're like, "This junk food makes me feel like crap!" That's
awesome!
And now it's time to replace the candy bars with fresh fruits and
vegetables.
What I'm saying is, I really like Skittles.
You can do it! You can change your habits!
You have to WANT to do it.
The crazy thing here is that you WANT a guy who makes you feel bad.
Because to you, feeling bad feels good. Weird, right?
Somewhere along the line you confused feeling bad with good.
NOTE: Once I confused feeling my pillow with feeling boobies. But
that's none of your business!
You like the bad boys. They are exciting. You are attracted
to them because they treat you bad and they are dangerous and not stable.
You have to make yourself attracted to guys who are healthy for you.
Bad boys are Skittles. They taste good but they're going to rot your
teeth!
Good boys are vegetables. Boring.
That's why you need a boy who is a fruit.
Uh, I mean, a guy who is not a goodie-goodie but also not bad. Because
fruit is healthy and it tastes good. But don't go for candy-apples
because those are just bad boys disguised as... did you ever take an analogy
waaaaaay too far? Yeah. Me too.
You need to take care of YOU. There is a super awesome book about this
topic called The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. Read it.
It's one of my favorite books ever that doesn't have illustrations of a spider
and a pig.
One trick from that book is this:
When you find a new dude that you are attracted to, here is what you do:
1 - Imagine yourself at 6 years old. Really. Remember how you were? Short
and little. Maybe scared? Maybe sensitive? Maybe you threw temper tantrums?
Imagine "Little You" standing on your left.
2 - Imagine yourself now, at your most confident. Like you just won the
contest for World's Most Awesome Human.
3 - Talk to "Little You." Tell her about this new guy and ask her how she
feels about him. Does he make her feel safe? Does she like him?
It's very important to find a man that makes "Grown-up You" AND "Little
You" happy.
The bigger picture here is your self-esteem. You need more. NEVER stay
with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself. In fact, never stay with
ANYONE who does that!
Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel great. It
doesn't mean those people can't be honest and tell you when you're being
a b!tch, but overall they want you to succeed and be happy.
You deserve to feel great!
NOTE: Everyone deserves to feel great!
NOTE TO PIGEONS: Except you. I hate you!
You don't see how you're attractive? If guys tell you that you are attractive,
then you are! But even if they didn't say that, take pride in your appearance!
Never compare yourself to a magazine photo. Those are ALL fake. They use
computers to take away all the zits and wrinkles and fat and nose-hairs and they
can even change the shape of a person's faces! Don't believe the hype!
Many of the sexiest women of all-time were not the "prettiest." Marilyn
Monroe and Cleopatra -- 2 of the most famous and powerful women/sex symbols --
were NOT the hottest women of their time -- but they were the sexiest! Why?
Because they knew how to work it!
Confidence is VERY sexy. It shows in the way you walk, the way you talk,
the way you dress, the way you move... You will attract Quality Men by showing
you are a high-quality woman. A high-quality woman is soooo beautiful on the
inside, that it shows on the outside.
Really.
In my personal experience, I am WAAAAAAAAAAY more attracted to girls who I feel
have something very beautiful inside.
NOTE: This does not mean you can be 452 pounds overweight and not
brush your teeth!
For example, hot chicks who are self-absorbed are fun to look at... for a
minute. But then you see the coldness on their face. They're boring. They are
too concerned with themselves to be beautiful.
Real beauty is about one's capacity to love.
How much love do you have to give?
Whatever your answer is, add 1 billion-gazillion to it. You can never run out!
When someone is a loving person, it shows in her face. It softens the face. It
makes the eyes gentler. It makes her smile brighter.
Do you have a little voice in your head that says mean stuff to you?
I do. I'm just now learning to turn it off.
How can you feel great about yourself when that little voice is calling you
stupid?
When you hear that negative internal voice, take a deep breath. Say "Shut up!
I'm NOT stupid. I just made a mistake. I'm human. We all make mistakes. I will
try harder next time. I'm gonna do better. I'm still a good person."
This takes A LOT of practice, but it's SOOOOO worth it! You will feel so
relieved! You know how when you're holding in your pee-pee until you get
home and then you finally pee? That kind of relief.
To help with your confidence, that's another entire subject. But here's some
quick tips:
1 - ALWAYS act confident. That's right. Act. You
may not feel confident (yet) but how would you act if you DID feel confident?
Would you walk taller? Would you stand with your hands on your hips? Would you
talk a little louder and slower? Would you hold your head high? Would you tell
all your friends about HogWild and his super cool web site?
HINT: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Hell-yes.
Do this ALL THE TIME. I promise, it will help.
If you're not sure how to act confidently, think of someone who IS confident.
How would that person act in this situation?
2 - If you ever feel unsure, remind yourself of some of the great things
you've done in your life. Like, think of the time you earned an A+. Think of the
time when a boy told you how pretty you looked. Think of that time you
did something awesome and felt great!
In conclusion:
1 - It's great that you recognize what you'd like to change. Now do it! 2 - Be more confident. 3 - Somebody please mail me a bag of Skittles.
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