There is a new study that claims that oral sex increases the risk of cancer.

Noooooooo!!!

I think this is a bunch of nonsensical nonsense! This so-called study was sponsored by the Old Wives Club.

I can see it now, a new health campaign that implores people to "Stop Smoking Poles."

Hey, my pen!s does NOT cause cancer!

Giving "head" does NOT cause "brain" cancer.

This study is a lie! It is a Communist plot to destroy America and Freedom.

If we stop giving each other oral sex, then the Terrorists win.

My buddy alerted me to this new item. He says he is trying to distract his wife from all news outlets so she doesn't see this.

MY FRIEND'S WIFE: Let's see what's on TV.
MY FRIEND: Noooooo!
MY FRIEND'S WIFE: Um, okay. Then I'm going to get on the internet.
MY FRIEND: Noooooo!!!
MY FRIEND'S WIFE: Uh, you're being weird. Do you have today's newspaper?
MY FRIEND: Newspaper? Who wants to read the news? It's depressing. Uh, let's read a book. An old book.
MY FRIEND'S WIFE: What the hell is wrong with you? I'm turning on the radio.
MY FRIEND: Nooooooooo! I tell you what. I've been wanting to take you on a vacation.
MY FRIEND'S WIFE: Really?! You're finally going to take me to the Caribbean?
MY FRIEND: Not exactly.

Fast-Forward: We see my friend and his wife on a camping trip in the woods away from all media and electricity. She is miserable and he is happy.

MY FRIEND: So. Nothing to do out here at night except look up at those beautiful stars... and have oral sex.
MY FRIEND'S WIFE: No way! My friend told me that oral sex causes cancer.
MY FRIEND: Nooooooooo!!!

Oral sex causes cancer? Ridiculous!

I did my own HogWild Research Study of Oral Sex and here are my findings:

THINGS THAT ORAL SEX DOES RESULT IN:

- happiness

- orgasm

- peace on Earth

- me not kissing you until you gargle with mouthwash