1 – Allow others to benefit from your iPhone

A man on the street asks you if you have the time.

YOU: Sure.

Then <FLASH!> you whip out your iPhone, hold it up high, waving it around so everyone can see its impressive “clock” function.

YOU: Anyone else need to know the time?!!! Because I… HAVE… AN iPHONE!!!

2 – Use your iPhone to save a life

You are on a date in a restaurant. A man is having a heart attack!

YOU: Coming through! I’ll take care of it! I’m an iPhone owner!

Then you simultaneously call emergency services while accessing Wikipedia instructions on how to perform CPR without having to attend medical school at an online university. To keep the man’s wife from panicking, you calm her down by showing her amusing videos of cats wearing silly hats.

DOCTOR: This iPhone owner is a hero! Without his amazing access to information and amusing videos of cats wearing silly hats, we’d have a dead man and a nervous wife. Instead, this couple will live happily ever after. Thank you iPhone Owner!

YOU: Oh, I was just doing what any super cool iPhone owner would do. Now I will change the lighting in my bedroom at home to prepare my significant other for our romantic evening. Yes, my iphone allows me to remotely adjust my chandelier lighting. And if that doesn't get her in the mood, then I can always set my iphone to vibrate. Whoa! I am not subtle!

3 – Use your iPhone as it was meant to be used... as fashion

Why wear your iPhone on your waist when you can attach it to a headband and wear it on your forehead?

4 – Share your iPhone's information

At the bar, a guy asks you if the local sports team won today.

YOU: Hold on, I’ll check that out for you on my brand new amazing iPhone... Sorry, for the delay, I just got my amazing iPhone and I’m still trying to learn all of the amazing iPhone iFeatures... where is News?... Music... Videos... Email... Phone... Crème Brulee recipes... Time Machine... darn this amazing iPhone!

5 – Use your iPhone to fight crime

WOMAN: A man is holding up the Convenience Store owner with a gun!

YOU: No worries ma'am, I am an iPhone owner. I'll simply call 9-1-1... now I'll walk into the store... and <SNAP> take the perpetrator's photo. And... email it to the police.

ROBBER: Stick 'em up or I'll blow you away!

YOU: I own an iPhone.

ROBBER: Really? Wow!

YOU: I know. iPhone says you are suffering from feelings of inadequacy caused by your father's constant belittling of you as a child.

ROBBER: iPhone is right!

YOU: iPhone says there is a support group for your issue approximately 2.9 miles southwest of here.

ROBBER (wiping away tears): Thank you, iPhone owner.

YOU: Of course.

ROBBER: Now I'm going to shoot you and take your iPhone!

YOU: I'm sorry, but I'm going to zap you with 50,000 volts.

ROBBER: Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!

YOU: The iPhone has a hidden stun-gun feature.

CONVENIENCE STORE OWNER: Thank you, my friend!

YOU: It's my privilege to serve the community. While waiting for the police to arrive, would you like to listen to some U2?