Maria
Sharapova Arrives at ESPY Awards Looking Like a Medieval Hooker. Funny Rants,
Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor. |
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ESPY Awards, Funny Rants + Twisted Humor
JUSTIN: I love watching sports. I constantly obsess over stats and play fantasy baseball, football and basketball. In short, I’m a sports dork. But no matter how obsessed I am with sports I will never watch the ESPY Awards. HOG: I will pretty much watch anything with Maria Sharapova in it. But um, who allowed her to leave the house dressed like a Medieval hooker? JUSTIN: It's bad enough that we can't enjoy a game anymore without the six hour pre-game show, the idiotic half-time interviews and the stadium music drowning out the actual game. Now once a year we have to suffer through the sports version of the Oscars! * World’s Slowest Loading MySpace Profile Page Caused by Blinking Images, Embedded Videos and Music * Hottest Chick who is a Real Chick and Not a Fake Chick for some Spam Company Trying to Get me to Sign up for a Sex Web Cam Site HOG: No! It's an outrage! The entire Webby Awards is a sham! A sham I say! It's a sham until they award hogwild.net an award! Award me now! Okay. I'm done. JUSTIN: My first problem with the ESPY Awards is that there is no need for them. Because the only awards that mean anything in sports are called MVP’s and Championships. Here is college softball pitcher Taryne Mowatt accepting her ESPY Award for Best Female Athlete:
JUSTIN: It’s not that I don’t think Lebron James putting on a wig and trying to bust a move isn’t entertaining but I’d much rather watch him do it on Saturday Night Live where I don’t have to sit through three hours of athletes thanking God for bullshit awards. “I prayed for a championship my entire life but since I play on a crappy team in a crummy town I just want to thank God for blessing me with this ESPY.” At least the Oscars have a bunch of hotties wearing low-cut see-through dresses to keep you going through three and a half hours of awards. All the ESPYs have are mannish female sports stars dressed up in cocktail dresses and walking around awkwardly in six inch heals and while that's highly entertaining it's about as sexy as a HogWild sex tape! You'd think since they got Jimmy Kimmel to host the show they could have at least ended the show with GIRLS JUMPING ON A TRAMPOLINE! Besides, the girls at the ESPY Awards aren't all bad: That's swimmer Amanda Beard. And here is Danica Patrick the race car driver: And look how great Venus Williams looks tonight: Oh wait, that Shaq. Sorry, I get them confused. JUSTIN: Honestly between Baseball’s All Star Game and the retarded-ass ESPYs I’m ready to get back to real sports where the games count and there’s no 6 foot tall Trannies walking around in heels.
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Maria
Sharapova Arrives at ESPY Awards Looking Like a Medieval Hooker.
Funny Rants, Dirty jokes + Twisted Humor. |
| EXPERT DATING ADVICE | DATING ADVICE | DATING COACH | MEMBERS | STORE | FUNNY PICTURES | FUNNY RANTS | COMEDY VIDEOS | DATING ADVICE MAN | CARTOONS | CHATS | GAMES | LINKS | COMEDY SHOWS | CONTACT | JOIN NOW | |