What Does your Cell Phone say about Who You Are?

by HogWild

Hey Hogz & Hoggettes. Do you realize that your cell phone is much more than a yacking device? It speaks about who you are as a person. About your very value in our society. In short, your phone tells the world who you are. 

“What does your cell phone say about who you are?”

Ya got da G*Mobile™ cell phone. All the numbers on the keypad are blinging diamonds.  There are 3 different face plates: Platinum, Gold, and Platinum & Gold Swirl. In case of a Hater Emergency, the cell phone can be used as a gun. 

You are a HIP-HOP PRODUCER.

Folding out of your phone are a small knife, screwdriver, corkscrew, thermometer, duck whistle, and magnifying glass.

You are a DORK.

Your cell phone has a beard and turban. Strapped to the number pad are teeny tiny sticks of dynamite. It’s a Terrorizon™ phone.

You are a member of AL QAEDA.

 Your ring tone is the car horn from the Dukes of Hazzard. The phone’s faceplate is the Confederate flag. The phone’s protective case isn’t a leather sleeve, but tiny denim overalls. Hanging out of the phone’s microphone is a piece of straw.

You are a HILLBILLY.

If you are a disheveled old man, sitting on the sidewalk, slumped against a building, wearing a banana peel on your head and you holding back your head as whiskey pours down from inside your cell phone...

You are a DRUNKEN HOBO.

If 512 female names fill your phone book's memory to capacity... a different ring tone is set for each bim.. all the pics saved in your digital camera are all of you kissing different women...

You are a PLAYA.

If your cell phone display reads:

PHONE NUMBERS USED: 4

GAMES DOWNLOADED: 400

And the 4 phone numbers are:

1 Rockstar Games Order Line

2 Microsoft Technical Support

3 Sal’s Pizza Delivery

4 Mom

You are a HIGH SCHOOL GAMING GEEK.

If your cell phone transforms into a T-Rex Robot, you may be 1 of 2 people:

You are a LITTLE BRAT who uses his phone for important stuff like 1-900-Digimon and prank phone calls to your old teachers.

Or

You are an IMMATURE 26 YEAR OLD MAN who uses his phone for important stuff like 1-900-Digimon and prank phone calls to your old teachers.

If you are an older man in a suit who pulls back deathly afraid when confronted with any cell phone because the radio waves might interfere with your pacemaker...

You are the Vice President of the United States.

If your cell phone has stab wounds in the number pads.... your phone has an overpowering funk of cheap perfume... the phone’s faceplate is a leopard print... draped around the phone is a tiny fur scarf...

You are a WOMAN SHORT ON CLASS BUT LONG ON FINGERNAILS. No really, your fingernails look great. What box did you get them from?

If you are a woman who walks with her nose in the air and in one hand you hold your small fancy phone and in the other hand you hold your small fancy dog... and your dog is smaller than the phone...  

You are a SNOB.

If you were a baby born with a silver cell in your mouth...

You are an ARISTOCRAT.

If your phone has a built-in blood alcohol tester... the first phone number on speed dial is “DADDY” 202-456-1414... the faceplate is pink and glossy with glitter...

You are A DAUGHTER of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

If your cell phone is a huge black brick and it has a rotary dial... and you are wearing the 1970s San Diego Padres jersey with the hat to match.. and your sneakers are matching Converse All-Stars...

You are a COOL TRENDY KID who needs to have everything “throw-back” style including your technology. Chirp at me when you want to play Coleco-vision.  

If your phone is in the shape of a plain square... the service provider is Wal*Mart...  marching across the screen is the feature: PLATITUDES TO LIVE BY: “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

You are a MIDWESTERNER.

Dating Coach HogWild will help your relationship or dating life with his helpful and hilarious dating advice.

hogwild.net on your RSS Reader!