Baseball Jokes: Notes from Yankee Stadium

Jokes & Funny Pictures

by HogWild

Yankees Stadium. Tight security now-a-days.

Security Lady-Guard: Lift up your jacket. Let's see what ya got.

Me: Whoa.

Lady-Guard: (Laughing)

Then I walk in without getting searched. Sweet.

This is Tony Womack's sexy pic. "Hey ladies... I put the MACK in WOMACK!" What a great photo! Was it my imagination, or was the picture missing something? Shoulda been like this:

Players choose what song they want to hear on the Stadium speakers when they walk to the plate. My friend observes there aren't a lot of Rock n Roll intro songs. She says, "What about some Guns N Roses?"

That gave me a flashback. In the Bronx, I was one of the few white boys in my Little League. Every time I stepped to the plate, the other team would scream/sing, "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!"

That poor girl had to put up with my inane conversation.

HER BOYFRIEND: Last night, this batter started a bench clearing brawl!

HER: When I was in Rome, I went to a soccer match. To prevent fights, the fans of each team have to sit on separate sides of the stadium. And they have plexi-glass to keep the fans from storming the field. 

ME THE MORON: I think in Soccer, when they fight, they should only be allowed to use their legs and heads. No hands. So only kicking and head-butts. That would be awesome.

HER: (A look combing confusion and disgust.)

ME: (Laughing hysterically at my stoooooopidness.)

A re-enactment of the incredible grab my buddy Dallas made of a bag of peanuts thrown at him. (The only difference in the re-enactment is that now he's smiling at the camera whereas before he looked like he had a little gas.)

Pitchers are usually removed from a game if they are sucking or getting tired. But I think a pitcher should be pulled if he's too boring.

You know, like he's throwing to 1st base a gazillion times, or walking around the mound too much.

General Fashion Rule: If you have to wear ear-muffs, you shouldn't be wearing a mini-skirt.

On the team known as the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of the USA of North America of the Western Hemisphere of Earth of the Milky Way, there is player named Chone. Pronounced Shawn. It is my belief that no two black people spell Shawn the same way.

In Yankee Stadium, they have the Subway Game.

Us idiots in the crowd cheer for either the B, D, or 4 train as they race to The Stadium as shown on the DiamondVision. But if it was REALLY the Subway Game, NONE of the trains would win. They'd all be delayed due to construction, a track fire, or a police investigation.

DRUNK FAN: Brown, you ain't sh!t!

MOM FAN: There are children here!

DRUNK FAN: Brown, you ARE NOT sh!t!

My imagined conversation between the Yankee Stadium Sound Effects Guy and his Boss.

BOSS: I'm giving you a 3.3 out of 5 for your quarterly review. I want more organ playing with the bases loaded. And some of your "Charges!" were a little wimpy.

SOUND EFFECTS GUY: Boss, I'll get it together come Playoff time.

BOSS: It's essential to rally the crowd to inspire the players to rally.

SOUND EFFECTS GUY: You're right. Anyone can play a little Hava Negila or We Will Rock You or C&C Music Factory when we've got the big lead. But it's when we're trailing that I need to come through in the clutch with the theme from Rocky or a prime Howard Beale quote from the movie Network.

BOSS: Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. Over all you're doing a great job. I love the whimsical cartoon woooooo for foul balls.

SOUND EFFECTS GUY: Thanks, Boss!

Good move!: All old people should be required to wear extraordinarily bright outfits so they don't get lost.

Everything at a baseball game is sponsored. This call to the Bullpen is brought to you by.... This Caught Stealing was sponsored by our friends at.... When will it stop?!

This crotch scratch is brought to by The Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Men, remember to check your testicles. Time for the 7th inning stretch!

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